I barely sneaked by yesterday...eeeek! Juuuuust barely. I was mad - that's for dang sure - but I didn't yell - so I get a teensy 'atta girl I think. I had extra kids and an extra dog (dog watching for my sis) and my baby was sleeping and all the kids decided to run through the hallway. No explanation needed there. I raaaaan into the hallway and took my eldest by the shoulders and gave him a stern talkin' to. I caught myself right off and cooled down immediately but was still plagued with guilt for hours thinking I had failed, not failed, failed, not failed, I didn't want to fail, but I failed, etc. Then I reviewed the rules....and felt a teensy bit better. Not a fail - but a good wakeup call.
And there was another close mishap - but again I barely sneaked by. End of day - felt neither good nor bad.
Today I noticed the kids are watching me my hawks. Little policeman hawks :) I have heard quite a few times "I think you just failed mom" when I say something the tiniest bit cranky. Sheesh kids - gimme a break! But I like the accountability (sort of). It has made me realize a) how often I am cranky sounding b) how much they are affected by my mood and snappy behavior (duh!) c) how much I needed this.
Speaking of "duh" I am finding myself having a LOT of those recently. I suppose that is par for the course when you decide to change and get better. You realize all the fundamental things wrong with your life and excitedly share them with others to find out they totally handled that aspect of theirs years ago. hahahahaaa!!! I take these kinds of things in stride.
Today was a really good day for many reasons. I finally FELT better today about my progress. The 2nd - 4th day I felt really bad and guilty as I was ultra aware of all my near failures. But today - day 5 - I found I was able to catch myself easier. I wasn't perfect, but I felt the good changes happening. And I was waaaay more in control when I did slide.
And I definitely didn't yell at all! Not even in the face of psycho tantrum boy or over-exhausted, ultra moody, grumpy girl. Hurray!!!
At the end of the day I felt very kindly - albeit exhausted - toward my crew. Love you guys!
Statistics
Hummed loudly until calm 2x
Made wacky sounds until calm 1x
Walked away from the crazy 3x
Silver Lining:
Feeling GOOD and much more in control!
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