Day 6 - Orange Rhino - Gonna take you down!

Today is day 6 of my challenge. And my good feelings/lessons from yesterday are carrying over. Holla!!!

While met with this.....

.....I was like this....

And because I was like this, I then got this.....

....which made me feel like this....

 We did it buddy!!! We got through another round of crazy tantrums & rebellious clothes flinging together in one piece. Booya!

And a few hours later I was met with this....

And while I started to handle this my old way, I flipped it around early on and then you became this...

Which made me feel like this....

Ok - not really. I am 16 here.....oh sweet naive me....

But really - my ability to slow down, connect, listen and love made us feel like this...

And therefore today - so far - has been a bitchin' day. Holla' to more LOVE in this house!!!!!!!!

Day 3 - Orange Rhino Challenge

I DID IT!! Day 3 successfully complete! I did not yell, scream, or raise my voice in venomous anger once. Kick butt!!! I did use a firm and maybe even stern voice a few times - but it felt controlled and appropriate given the circumstances. 'Atta girl!

The internalizing about WHY I tend toward loss of control in the first place continued today. While this self-exploration continues to be uncomfortable, today was a slightly more comfortable day because...

I had a HUGE BREAKTHROUGH in realizing why my very skin bristles when I hear #2 calling/looking for me 

"Moooooom?" 

This is something that became very obvious this past week as I am attempting to pay close attention to my triggers. WHY on Earth is almost every utterance from this child's mouth cause for an anger/annoyance trigger? That seems really messed up/illogical/inappropriate. I was feeling really dark & scary about this and unfit to parent. Until this morning........

I finally concluded that my bristle is an attempt to shield myself from the onslaught of complaints and arguing and general disgruntled comments that tend to come from #2 most of the time. In her fine moments she is so, so fine. But in all other moments it is as above: complaints, arguing and generally disgruntled. This makes for a stressed and emotionally exhausted momma. Especially since I am one of the two total people she can talk to 90% of the day. 

Oh me, oh my - to be a strong, patient, loving parent to this type of personality is no laughing matter. But the good part of the day was the relief I felt, and the clarity I gained, and the resulting resurgence of love and patience and understanding for my child. I am in control of my response, but she is in control of her emotions. And it's not my fault nor is it my responsibility to "make" her happy. Only she can choose happiness for herself - and believe me I try my darnedest to provide a happy environment. 

So with my conscience reconciled and my personal growth quota met, I was a happy person today. :) 

I even remained happy while experiencing an unprecedented dose of disrespect and The Grumps while trying to teach Science to said child. I lovingly and calmly kicked her out of the class - and after she was able to cool off, the rest of the afternoon was peachy. I felt SO GOOD about standing up for myself while also staying cool, composed and connected to her. It was win/win. Holla for that!

Also up, yesterday's internal struggles about homeschooling continued to war in my head throughout the day. I took part of the morning to do some internet research and found some good articles to calm the beast - at least enough to function and continue. And I did feel a lot better after reading the post and comments on my fav homechooling website. After I concluded that Lucas is NOT in fact "behind" in phonics given all he does in his reading, I apologized to him tonight about all the times I had told him so and had a great cuddle session. I felt that apology was so vital. I never want a dumb book to be the decider of my child's worth and value. It was a wake up call that I sorely needed. Seeing that downcast face for the final time yesterday was the last straw. I will never harp on my kids for "being behind" because after all who do I want them caught up to and why?

Oh me oh my - so deep today!!! Sheesh!!! This personal journey is doing that to me! Overall I had a very exhausting and deeply gratifying day. I feel like I really turned an important corner.

Statistics

Pounded my chest like a gorilla 2x

Spoke jibberish to prevent evil verbage spewing forth - 2x

(Time to explore more options to spice up our days) 

Top New NoYell Alternatives to try - (stay tuned!)
7.  Put hand in front of mouth and pretend to “toot” a horn  (great attention getter)
10.  Start clapping & go until kids have stopped annoying behavior (a good release)
11.  Start drumming on table/counter until rage is gone  (a REALLY good release)
And when the mood feels stressed I believe i will try:
13.  Start a Dance Party  (adrenaline + fun, what’s not to love?)20.  Speak in a Robot voice (makes kids stop and look at you and wonder, who is she?!)
40.  Shake body, arms and legs  (like The Wiggles, Shake shake Shake your silly’s out)
41.  Get on back and put legs and arms in the air and howl like a Dog  (yes, I did this)

Day 2, Take 2 - Orange Rhino Challenge DONE!

(If you have no idea what I am doing, read the first post)

Today was an interesting day. Highs and lows.

Highs - I made it!!!! HUGE plus. Yay me!

Lows - Now that I am really going for this and am more aware of my negative emotions and how they play out toward the kids, etc. - I feel guilty when I think angry thoughts or get a little grumpy. So....while I technically kicked Day 2's a*s - I still feel like a loser! But.....

High - that's a huge step forward!!! To feel like a loser for an angry thought?? COME ON!!! "Seriously honey - grab a glass a wine!" as my mom would say. But....

Low - I want to just BE nice; not just scream&yell free. I want my very thoughts to ooze sweetness and light without so much effort. I don't want to have to try.

Enough of the analyzing....

Statistics

Used my whisper voice 2x

Talked jibberish until I could calm down 1x

Silver Lining

I am finding the urge to bang my chest like a gorilla and scream into the pantry becoming less and less (muuhahahaa) - but I reserve the right to do that again! :)

I played outside with the kids today for over an hour. I can't remember the last time I did that, and it fel sooooooo good. I loved watching the babies play in the water. I loved watching Charlotte and William create with sidewalk chalk. I loved using the toys from our sports cabinet that's been newly organized - those same toys that usually sit idle. With my to-do list constantly running in the background like a computer program blinking alerts and error messages at me, I find playing for long hard to do. But not today. Ok, ok, I did spend some of that time cleaning and organizing (no surprises there) and making this a game for the babies so that I could still spend time with them. :) But this glorious bonding time - yay for that! I am not certain this stems directly from the Orange Rhino Challenge - but it's worth recording. 

A very unexpected turn of events on this challenge is the level with which I would be diving into the WHY behind the yelling and anger. I hadn't anticipated that AT ALL. Yesterday evening's post got me really thinking about that and how I hadn't really signed on for it. haha. Or had I........Doesn't matter now because I don't intend to stop. But it is a very naked feeling to realize it's not the kids....at least not nearly as much as I thought it was....it's very much ME. And on a good day I do in fact find that part of the silver lining - because that's something I can change.

I also find myself revisiting the whole idea of hyper structured schooling [i.e. traditional schooling & what I do] vs. more relaxed, go-at-your-own-pace schooling [which gives me heart palpitations]. I found myself telling Lucas for the 10,000x that he was "behind on Phonics" and watching his face fall downcast. This is the same child that reads about 150 pages a day. The same child that has read the whole Harry Potter series 3x, Rangers Apprentice Series, Lord of the Rings Series, and on and on. He reads more than any other child his age that I personally know. And I harp him about being "caught up" on phonics. I am thinking ya need to reevaluate your metering sticks sister!! If you know me at all - you know this is a very large area I wrestle with - my schooling style. 'Cuz it just don't feel right. At least not yet. How much/if at all should I push the kids to be up to par with their peers, and how much do I let them go at their own pace......fodder for another day... 

Day 1, Take 3 Orange Rhino Challenge

(If you have no idea what I am doing read the first post)

I am super happy - super DUPER happy to report today was a good day. I passed - marginally - but I still passed. Booya suckas!! I had a few tense moments of crabby. And what's kinda amazing about it is how aware I am now of even the slightest crabby. I had slipped into a mode of letting lots of crabby happen - but now I don't want ANY and so ANY is very obvious. This is a tad annoying as I feel like a failure a lot of the day which is silly - but overall I take it as a really good sign.

Wow, do I sound as tired and stupid as I feel?? I think I do....

So on that note, let's wrap it up...

Orange Rhino Stats:

I banged my chest like a gorilla 2x - but less vigorously

I sang "La-la-la" once

Progress!!!!

I found myself soooo much more chiiiilllll when #3 threw a few ugly tantrums (yep - they are back, but still much more manageable). I almost yawned in the face of them. But what I actually did was stay calm and connected - the goals of the ScreamFree parenting book. I was super happy about this.

I also had an amazing date with Charlotte tonight to celebrate her brave piano performance in front of the 150-180 person audience at WISH. We had such a lovely time - so was over the moon with all the one on one. Me too. I did a interview on her that I will post in the next few days. It was magical.

If I wasn't so tired I would be way more impressed with myself.

Day 2 - Orange Rhino Challenge - failure?

(If you have no idea what I am doing - read the first post)

Let's talk about inappropriate laughing. Did you start laughing when you read that? Or groan maybe? Did you think of a time you laughed totally inappropriately? I've done it. It's funny and horrible and then even funnier because it's so horrible, but mostly it's kinda horrible. And then funny. I have a point I swear.

But first let's also talk about triggers. Things that annoy. Happenings that start the ugly ball rolling. I wish I did not have them. My continual drive to better myself through my church, the books I read, the deep convos I have with friends, and challenges I set for myself all point to this fact. But I DO have them - and I will share:

1) When one child is doing the ugly tantrum and then ANYONE talks to me during that.
2) When 2 children are doing the ugly tantrum and ANYONE makes a noise or moves too quickly.
3) The very voice of my #3 during anything stressful.......this is a very dark and scary and new revelation for me. One I will be doing some soul searching on. One that has opened the door to relieving stress in that relationship.
4) When a child stands in front of my stroller while I am walking - making it impossible to move forward.
5) When the babies are late for a nap and I can't seem to get them down for a nap.
6) When everyone is hungry and I ONCE AGAIN forgot to prep the side dishes - which I must now do and it's already 6pm and we are all starving.

This is a condensed list for the purposes of this post. Reason? This all happened today. This afternoon actually.

I am not justifying my failure or making it ok - the opposite actually. I mean what I say about this challenge - I do intend to go 365 (longer actually) without yelling. I don't care how many times I need to start over but I will get there. I mean to make this list for the purpose of identifying my triggers and therefore being bigger than them & finding a way to STILL be badass in the face of them.

So....the morning was lovely - I had a beautiful breakfast with my sissy and girlfriend. YUM. And then I puttered around the house until way too late (1:45pm) when I finally got my act together and started getting the babies ready for a nap. By this point one injury had already occurred. 7 minutes later another. And 67 seconds later another one. The last one, was when inappropriate laughing occurred. One sibling laughed at another sibling's injury. I was FURIOUS. The hell gates of motherly-lion-fury where pouring from my very eyeballs. I felt myself start to totally lose it. I did not yell though (progress?) - as we believe in total silence during injuries - but I gave that guilty child the evil look. And I do mean eeeevvvvil. I also did The Finger Point. The angry one that says "I will deal with you later."  *gulp* And when the tears of injury boy had stopped I had a mini tirade of anger. It was not the ugly scream, thank god, but it was stained a tad with venom. Back to day 1 sister. Dang it.

I regained my composure just in time too because #3 injured, way too tired, child then decided to throw an epic tantrum because I wouldn't allow him back on the punching bag he had just injured himself on twice - and he got to working himself up so good and mad that he vomited on my floor, bloody vomit too because he had cut his mouth from his fall. Awesome. Purely awesome. Then #4 starts to yell at me as she's overly tired. And then another child wants my attention. What the what is doing on people??!!!!!

#2 now gets my snappy comments to please leave the room while I deal with crazy town. But because this child needs to be told 77 times and wants to ask 77 questions about why, why, WHY this needs to be done - my snappy turns a little too snappy. Just a tad. Failure #2.

Cut to 2.5 hours later. Everyone - including me - has napped. Aaaahhhhh. We started to take a lovely walk when both #1 and #2 decide to stand in front of my stroller multiple times. This is so petty and yet so annoying to us. Both John and I started to get a little ticked by this. I hate having my forward progress stopped for no reason.........but we keep our cool and talk in that nice, firm, lecture style talk while making eye contact. The parenting books would have be proud.

Then while making dinner that I was late on, I had more sweet moments of frustration and jokingly (mostly) yelled angry jibberish into the stove. Yes, into it. It was recommended. The kids and hubs thought this amusing.

But the GOOD NEWS.......

The Silver Lining

Back from our walk and feeling more together, #2 and I had a really nice, intimate chat about how she handles her anger. I suggested hugging the person you are angry with. She made The Face at this - but I forced a hug on her anyway. She smiled. And then......

The memorable parlay:

C: Mom, you know how the cheese is the best part of the cheeseburger?

Me: (Do not overthink this or give a Paleo lecture here) "Yes!"

C: Well momma, you are the cheese.
Me: *sniff*, *sniff* melt, melt. hug, hug

And while I might have had 2 failures on Day 2 of my No Yelling At Anyone Challenge - my daughter thinks I'm the cheese. And I was high on love for her all night.

So did I fail after all?? No, and yes. But mostly no. Regardless - I see good things happening already.

Day 1, Take 3 here I come. <3 p="">

Day 1 - Orange Rhino Challenge

Dear Children,

Your Aunt Jen - let's call her Mother Theresa of Zen Parenting or MTZ (I dig that!) for short - just so happened to pass along an article a rad mom wrote about yell free parenting. Well.....remember when Aunt Danette told me about the ScreamFree parenting book? Sense a theme??? While this paints an ugly picture that I am some horrible mother - I swear to god I am not. Usually. But I guess you be the judge.....*gulp*

Anyway.... usually I am pretty chill, at least I was when I only had 3 kids, two of which went to school. The crank pot me started to crank up her cranky :) around the time I started homeschooling - which is right around the time the newest round of sleep deprivation set in, as well as having to sort out all my feelings and challenges of being with my kids ALL DAY. The universe does mean things sometimes.

Anyway......back to MTZ and her superb timing. So MTZ sends me this text "I know you and I don't yell, but this article is amazing." I am so, so glad my special MTZ was not saying this to my face because my face turned read. And hot. That itchy, hot-red feeling when you've just been nailed. MTZ and I are of the Zen parenting philosophy (at least I used to be) but no one - okay maybe Michelle Duggar my hero - holds a candle to MTZ - the Zen master. She can hold her calm in the face of the ugliest of ugly tantrums. You know those ones. It's the soul sister to the ugly scream. You know that one.

So.......back to said article. So MTZ says it's a good article and I am all over it like bees on honey. I grab the Ipad and sit down to read. I almost start to cry.

 I read that whole article  about this mom's top 10 lessons she learned after completeing a WHOLE YEAR without yelling at her kids. For reasons explained one the site the challenge is called the Orange Rhino.

This whole concept is something I had been looking for for about 6 months. The book ScreamFree Parenting - as recommended by your Aunt Danette (a fellow homeschooler of a gaggle of kids) was the first step - that book changed my whole life. But I needed something more. An active plan I could do with others. I was 99% sure I had found it at this point.

 I then started reading all the top posts and the rules of this challenge of being YellFree. Not only is the author HYSTERICAL and real, she is genuinely trying to be the best mother she can be, take things to the next level, and mother in a way that builds trust and connection - all goals of mine. I am always trying to take things to the next level.....mostly.....when not sleep deprived.

So, I decided this WAS it. I started to take the challenge. I read all the rules and the amazing and fabulous list of yell free alternatives . My personal favorites are:

6.  Bang arms on chest like a gorilla  (a good release and a great entertainment for kids)
14.  Sing. I especially like “La la la, la la, la LAAAAA”  (it’s unexpected which works wonders)
36.  Yell into a Kitchen Cabinet  (cereal boxes don’t have feelings either)

I did all of these today. I am not kidding. I  totally did and I felt totally silly and afterwards totally, totally, TOTALLY awesome. Because folks............I did it. Boom shock-a-locka! I DID IT!!!! I made it ALL DAY without being a crazy crankpot even ONCE.  

I actually started this challenge yesterday but cracked under pressure - failure. While trying to get everyone out of the car - too late for Savannah's liking, 7pm  (oops) - I asked for the keys and Charlotte decides to talk to me....while NOT handing me the keys. I broke and yelled "The keys! Please!!!" and then calmed down quickly but I was a gonner. Luke shook his head and said good-naturedly "Sorry mom, no point for you today, back to Zero" Hahahaa!!! Thanks bud. So today was Day 1, Take 2 of making it all day. 

Here's the statistics:

- I yelled into the cabinet 1x (kids totally loved this) -

- Pounded my chest like a gorilla 9x (ditto above) -

- Sang "la-la-la-la-la" 4x (kids rolled eyes and smiled)

- You kids said "Orange Rhino!" to me 2x to calm my "crazy eyes"

I didn't actually want/plan to yell more than 1x today - but you guys have an amazing sense of ANY level of frustration and so do I. My goal is to leave behind all those nasty feelings of frustraction and losing control of my compose. I want to be an Zen Parenting Hero like MTZ and Michelle Duggar.

Were y'all extra sweet today? Hells bells no. In fact #3 has a stomach bug (thank god for hardwood floors in my whole house) #4 is a teething mo-fo, #2 is extra dramatic and I have 3 extra kids at the house tonight. Booya!!! But I did it and I am SUPER proud of myself.  So in all those several thousand moments of frustration today trying to lovingly mother you all, run around to music lessons, prepare a potluck dinner for #3's preschool dinner, do the weekly bills/money planning, school you older 2 all whilst trying to get everyone to stay happy.....I remained my badass self.


Jesus - I really needed this. Here's to another victorious day. Bring it Day Two!!!