The internalizing about WHY I tend toward loss of control in the first place continued today. While this self-exploration continues to be uncomfortable, today was a slightly more comfortable day because...
I had a HUGE BREAKTHROUGH in realizing why my very skin bristles when I hear #2 calling/looking for me
"Moooooom?"
This is something that became very obvious this past week as I am attempting to pay close attention to my triggers. WHY on Earth is almost every utterance from this child's mouth cause for an anger/annoyance trigger? That seems really messed up/illogical/inappropriate. I was feeling really dark & scary about this and unfit to parent. Until this morning........
I finally concluded that my bristle is an attempt to shield myself from the onslaught of complaints and arguing and general disgruntled comments that tend to come from #2 most of the time. In her fine moments she is so, so fine. But in all other moments it is as above: complaints, arguing and generally disgruntled. This makes for a stressed and emotionally exhausted momma. Especially since I am one of the two total people she can talk to 90% of the day.
Oh me, oh my - to be a strong, patient, loving parent to this type of personality is no laughing matter. But the good part of the day was the relief I felt, and the clarity I gained, and the resulting resurgence of love and patience and understanding for my child. I am in control of my response, but she is in control of her emotions. And it's not my fault nor is it my responsibility to "make" her happy. Only she can choose happiness for herself - and believe me I try my darnedest to provide a happy environment.
So with my conscience reconciled and my personal growth quota met, I was a happy person today. :)
I even remained happy while experiencing an unprecedented dose of disrespect and The Grumps while trying to teach Science to said child. I lovingly and calmly kicked her out of the class - and after she was able to cool off, the rest of the afternoon was peachy. I felt SO GOOD about standing up for myself while also staying cool, composed and connected to her. It was win/win. Holla for that!
Also up, yesterday's internal struggles about homeschooling continued to war in my head throughout the day. I took part of the morning to do some internet research and found some good articles to calm the beast - at least enough to function and continue. And I did feel a lot better after reading the post and comments on my fav homechooling website. After I concluded that Lucas is NOT in fact "behind" in phonics given all he does in his reading, I apologized to him tonight about all the times I had told him so and had a great cuddle session. I felt that apology was so vital. I never want a dumb book to be the decider of my child's worth and value. It was a wake up call that I sorely needed. Seeing that downcast face for the final time yesterday was the last straw. I will never harp on my kids for "being behind" because after all who do I want them caught up to and why?
Oh me oh my - so deep today!!! Sheesh!!! This personal journey is doing that to me! Overall I had a very exhausting and deeply gratifying day. I feel like I really turned an important corner.
Statistics
Pounded my chest like a gorilla 2x
Spoke jibberish to prevent evil verbage spewing forth - 2x
(Time to explore more options to spice up our days)
Top New NoYell Alternatives to try - (stay tuned!)
7. Put hand in front of mouth and pretend to “toot” a horn (great attention getter)
10. Start clapping & go until kids have stopped annoying behavior (a good release)
11. Start drumming on table/counter until rage is gone (a REALLY good release)
And when the mood feels stressed I believe i will try:
13. Start a Dance Party (adrenaline + fun, what’s not to love?)20. Speak in a Robot voice (makes kids stop and look at you and wonder, who is she?!)
40. Shake body, arms and legs (like The Wiggles, Shake shake Shake your silly’s out)
41. Get on back and put legs and arms in the air and howl like a Dog (yes, I did this)
Top New NoYell Alternatives to try - (stay tuned!)
7. Put hand in front of mouth and pretend to “toot” a horn (great attention getter)
10. Start clapping & go until kids have stopped annoying behavior (a good release)
11. Start drumming on table/counter until rage is gone (a REALLY good release)
And when the mood feels stressed I believe i will try:
13. Start a Dance Party (adrenaline + fun, what’s not to love?)20. Speak in a Robot voice (makes kids stop and look at you and wonder, who is she?!)
40. Shake body, arms and legs (like The Wiggles, Shake shake Shake your silly’s out)
41. Get on back and put legs and arms in the air and howl like a Dog (yes, I did this)
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