Day 2, Take 2 - Orange Rhino Challenge DONE!

(If you have no idea what I am doing, read the first post)

Today was an interesting day. Highs and lows.

Highs - I made it!!!! HUGE plus. Yay me!

Lows - Now that I am really going for this and am more aware of my negative emotions and how they play out toward the kids, etc. - I feel guilty when I think angry thoughts or get a little grumpy. So....while I technically kicked Day 2's a*s - I still feel like a loser! But.....

High - that's a huge step forward!!! To feel like a loser for an angry thought?? COME ON!!! "Seriously honey - grab a glass a wine!" as my mom would say. But....

Low - I want to just BE nice; not just scream&yell free. I want my very thoughts to ooze sweetness and light without so much effort. I don't want to have to try.

Enough of the analyzing....

Statistics

Used my whisper voice 2x

Talked jibberish until I could calm down 1x

Silver Lining

I am finding the urge to bang my chest like a gorilla and scream into the pantry becoming less and less (muuhahahaa) - but I reserve the right to do that again! :)

I played outside with the kids today for over an hour. I can't remember the last time I did that, and it fel sooooooo good. I loved watching the babies play in the water. I loved watching Charlotte and William create with sidewalk chalk. I loved using the toys from our sports cabinet that's been newly organized - those same toys that usually sit idle. With my to-do list constantly running in the background like a computer program blinking alerts and error messages at me, I find playing for long hard to do. But not today. Ok, ok, I did spend some of that time cleaning and organizing (no surprises there) and making this a game for the babies so that I could still spend time with them. :) But this glorious bonding time - yay for that! I am not certain this stems directly from the Orange Rhino Challenge - but it's worth recording. 

A very unexpected turn of events on this challenge is the level with which I would be diving into the WHY behind the yelling and anger. I hadn't anticipated that AT ALL. Yesterday evening's post got me really thinking about that and how I hadn't really signed on for it. haha. Or had I........Doesn't matter now because I don't intend to stop. But it is a very naked feeling to realize it's not the kids....at least not nearly as much as I thought it was....it's very much ME. And on a good day I do in fact find that part of the silver lining - because that's something I can change.

I also find myself revisiting the whole idea of hyper structured schooling [i.e. traditional schooling & what I do] vs. more relaxed, go-at-your-own-pace schooling [which gives me heart palpitations]. I found myself telling Lucas for the 10,000x that he was "behind on Phonics" and watching his face fall downcast. This is the same child that reads about 150 pages a day. The same child that has read the whole Harry Potter series 3x, Rangers Apprentice Series, Lord of the Rings Series, and on and on. He reads more than any other child his age that I personally know. And I harp him about being "caught up" on phonics. I am thinking ya need to reevaluate your metering sticks sister!! If you know me at all - you know this is a very large area I wrestle with - my schooling style. 'Cuz it just don't feel right. At least not yet. How much/if at all should I push the kids to be up to par with their peers, and how much do I let them go at their own pace......fodder for another day...