I may not be an Orange Rhino - but that's ok

While I have failed flagrantly on my Orange Rhino Challenge and have since given up, and given myself permission to not be perfect - I have grown tremendously. At least I feel that way today :)

I have felt very, very, very, very, very challenged in my calmness and connectedness goal recently with my #2 child. Is it your ability to see through all excuses and justifications? Is is your ability to bravely and correctly call me out on my BS ways? Is it your passionate search for truth that has be grappling with tough questions? Is it your unquenchable thirst for understanding EVERYTHING and never giving up when you are 98% there? 

Maybe.

It's also your moodiness, your dramatic response to things I deem insignificant.

But it's what's real to you and what you are feeling and who am I to judge??? 

After winning this city's crankiest mom award yesterday & feeling like crap - I vowed last night while studying at church that all day today I would hug you Charlotte, every time you made my blood boil. We hugged 67 times. And ended the night in harmony *sigh*

 Love really does save the day. I felt this tighter bond with you by the nights end. I feel at peace with myself and with you and with my life.

That Orange Rhino lady really does have it right. But I give myself permission to not be perfect. I can't force absolutes upon myself or others. But I can vow I will always be trying to be better.

And even though it's annoying as HELL that you are 99% correct 99% of the time about my shortcomings. And even tough William is very, very, very loud and angry when things don't go his way right now. I know it never, ever, ever, ever, ever, fails that by about the 3rd time of me loving you guys how you want to be loved (William wants to be sat next to and Charlotte you seem to want to be hugged) every fiber in your ever-loving being calms down and reaches out to thank me, not in words....but I can feel it. It's what we all need when we are crazy - don't' you think?? That friend that sees through the crazy and says in word and deed "I love you no matter what" It's THE answer. At least I keep telling myself so.